This was originally written in July 2019. Found it in “trash” folder and I decided to re-read, edit, and share it.

I am busy packing and there are towers of brown boxes in my room. I am getting ready to relocate to a beautiful neighborhood in Harlem. Quiet, residential place seems like a good fit for me at this time of my life. Living in Morningside has been a great pleasure. I heard 1 train pass by every minute, loud Latin and Caribbean music till midnight, and birds chirping at 5AM. I love this area, and it will always have a special place in my heart because it was my first apartment in NYC. One thing that I’m excited about is not living with my crazy ex-roommate.

The ex-roommate was extremely difficult to live with. When I shared this experience in therapy, my therapist even wondered if she were diagnosed with mental illness. She ran the flat like a totalitarian owner and made unreasonable, petty rules that were in favor of her convenience and her illogical mind. Even if that was not bad enough, she blamed others and justified her actions by saying, “I’m a really nice person.” All her previous flatmates left the apartment for various reasons, but they, too, have expressed — passively — their frustrations of her rude demeanor.

I’m far from being the nicest person on the planet, but I was raised by a mother who taught me to be reasonable, understanding, and importantly, to respect others regardless of our differences. My mom once said, “There will always be people who disagree with you, but that should never mean that you are better than them.” That is why I try to be friends with people from different backgrounds (of course, this excludes those who have ill intentions against others). It is not easy. I have had messy arguments with my friends about politics, but at the end, we laugh it off and make fun of ourselves for being silly. So what bonds us despite our differences? Respect and our desire to be a better person.

If someone constantly thinks that they are right and no one else is, they are probably insecure about themself. That insecurity is often projected through illusive images of themself of which they use those negative perceptions to attack and/or hurt others. My ex-roommate was mentally unstable, which I hope she gets professional help before it gets worse. When I see a person like her, I wonder, “Wow, where do they get their negative energy from?” I kept asking the question when she threatened to hire a “free attorney” for a “legal action” against me. Obviously, she didn’t know what she was saying but to attack/threaten someone like that is a privilege.

If you are an immigrant or a person of color, you know that reporting someone for such nonsense will actually bring more trouble to you and your family. If you are from an oppressed group, calling a legal authority or the police can harm you more than having justice served. So when my ex-roommate said that she wanted to sue me, I immediately thought, “She abuses her privilege.” But I also thought, “I’m privileged to have a mother who teaches me what not to be.” If you make someone inferior because you have the privilege of making your fear and ego higher than what they should be, you need to check yourself. I need to do that, too because self-deprecating mentality is easy to fall into.

I think trying to be a better person is hard. Some even say, “People don’t change.” I am not here to argue whether a person can change or not. But I believe that a person can get better when they think with good intentions (meaning, without performing their “niceness”), open themselves with vulnerability, and exercise their cognitive skills.

I am not perfect. I also struggle with mental illness, but who doesn’t? Because I want to grow my positive characteristics — fuller and taller than the negatives — I seek therapy, meditation exercises, and constant advice from my peers. Importantly, I analyze the areas where I am privileged or have the privilege. Why? They teach me to be empathetic and learn ways to share and fight to get our resources shared.

What is your privilege?