This ordinary is an honest person. “I’m overwhelming,” she says. But I say she’s a passionate individual that we can learn from.

Could you tell us a little bit about yourself? (How would you describe yourself as a character?)

Well, I am kind of a handful and I would say I’m pretty passionate about things, which generally makes people have extreme feelings about me. I am blunt, and I think for the most part people are either on board with me or not at all. I tend to make my feelings about political and social issues pretty clear and I think I almost use it as a filter for the people I surround myself with. Those who can’t handle it don’t tend to stick around.

I think, if you asked me a few years ago, I would have said Rory from Gilmore Girls. I was a lot more driven. But now, I think I am in a formative time of my life. I am unsure of what defines me now. I feel like I can describe how I was a year ago more easily than I can describe myself now. I am still getting to know me. Who am I? I don’t really know.

How has your family background shaped you as a person?

My family I think has given me a sense of humor — a lot of content to have a sense of humor about. We’re a mixed bag of people. As a result of that, I’ve  taken different parts of each person and kind of absorbed that. When looking at [my family] as individuals, I get different parts of myself from them. My mom has taught me to be more nurturing. Rebecca has taught me to be more compassionate. Adam taught me to take a joke. I get my temper from my dad. So things like that.

I think my grandpa’s death a few years ago brought me and my sisters closer. I think the issues of my parents brought me and my sisters closer. I think the more we move around and spread around the state and the country, that wedge of distance defines me and my siblings. It’s the challenges have defined us and our relationships.

What are some positive things that you have learned or inherited from your family?

My work ethic comes from my family. Again, it’s just hard because I think there’s this duality with a lot of my characteristics. A lot of the things about me kind of come with a negative result. I think I love very deeply, but on the other hand I also feel anger very deeply. I am also a pretty anxious person, but that anxiety makes me very productive and has helped me to become a good student. So you see what I mean? It is very hard to divorce the good from the bad, get rid of the bad, and somehow keep the good in the process. I think a lot of my family members deal with this. But my family has given me strength. They challenge me. And I have inherited such unconditional love from some of my family members.

What are some weaknesses?

I can be very irrational. Sometimes, I expect things to be a certain way even when I know it is irrational to expect that. I am irrational about being on time or moving quickly or being particular about how things go. You grow up in a family with things a certain way, things that are so normal to you that you don’t even think about it. And then you are out there, meeting new people, living on your own and seeing how other people do things, and it can be very frustrating. So I don’t know if that makes me a perfectionist or a little closed minded, but I definitely like things in very specific ways. And if things don’t end up the way that I think they should go, I can get irrational or think irrationally.

In your opinion, what helps families stay together and love one another?

Communication. I think there will never be harm in talking to each other. The easier you can communicate how much you love someone or the positive things, it makes communication over hard things easier — those negative things weight a lot less on your heart. If you only know how to communicate your anger in an unhealthy way, even when you communicate positively sometimes, the negatives will outweigh the positives. For every one negative interaction with someone, there should be five positives. At least that’s what I heard somewhere. So that sort of affirmation is needed in families.

When I think about happy families around me, they know how to talk about their days or what they want to do. But when I think about unhappy families, it’s usually because they don’t know how to communicate with one another.

If there’s one thing that you wish to have in your family, what would it be?

Better communication. It’s really not a thing for us to talk about things, and we are not very vocal to each other. We get really frustrated when we even misunderstand a word they say to us, so big misunderstandings really weigh on us.

How would you define “family?”

Family is always more of a feeling than any sort of genetic connection. Family [has] that sense of comfort, security, and trust. You can find family in places that aren’t your family tree. I think I find “family” in people that aren’t just related to me. If I build a relationship with someone, it feels like family. I think who you are related to and the chances of you having a good relationship with them will always be luck. I’m not sure how much I value someone’s genetic relationship with them. Which doesn’t mean that I don’t love people who are related to me, but I think when you have your family and when you do like them, it’s a lot easier to say that it’s good. But, when you have really good and really bad in your family it’s hard to define family with “genetics”. I was lucky enough to be born into a family where my sisters were my best friends. But I also was born in a family where I didn’t talk to almost half of them. So family is definitely more of a choice for me, but I feel like that almost makes it more meaningful.

What’s one piece of advice that you would give to people?

Same advice that I gave to myself when I was younger or even now. Talk less and listen more. I think we could all benefit from listening more. I definitely think that I don’t always think about what I say. If I listened more, I would be way more in tune with what I think and what I say.

If you were to continue one family tradition, what would it be?

The only traditions that I could think of is food. We have these cut-out cookies that we make from scratch every Christmas. We make these doughnuts called “fasnachts.” We make these really good meringue cookies. I would keep these traditions because I think they are the only traditions that I could think of and kept up with. There’s something about food that makes it easier to connect with people. It’s not just you consuming it but making it with your family. I think it’s something that we look forward to. When Christmas rolls around, we want to make those cookies. We want to be together when we make them.

Most importantly, what makes you happy?

I think it will always be other people that make me happy. I can provide you with a list of things I love — like peonies, the color yellow, a crisp fall day, a poem or a good cup of coffee — but I just love them. I don’t think they truly make me happy. Because when I do think about those things, when I think about it deeper, I always think back to the people I share those things with. When I think of peonies, I think of my sister’s wedding. When I think of a good cup of coffee, I think of all the coffee dates I go on with my friends. When you look at all the things I love and all the things that make me “happy”, it is the people I share those things with that truly bring me joy.